Why are those outbound call centres so bad?

How is that we can tell in the first 5 seconds of answering the phone that it’s someone from one of those call centres?

The first thing that I and most people pick up is that the calls are scripted. You can tell almost immediately.

But I no longer think that’s the problem because I recently saw the new Top Gun film. The new Top Gun film is scripted, of course it’s scripted, and that’s not a problem.

Both the call centre and Top Gun have scripts, and people reading the scripts.

The problem is that call centres have no scriptwriters, and no acting coaches.

I don’t know who wrote the script for Top Gun, but I know for sure who didn’t – the outbound sales department at Paramount Pictures.

That would be ridiculous. So why do companies do it?

What if, instead of someone from a sales department writing the call centre script, they had someone who’s devoted their life to writing scripts; someone like, say, a scriptwriter. A playwriter, screenwriter, anyone who’s spent lots of time learning the art of scripting conversations that make people feel exactly what the script calls for.

And what if they gave those call centre agents acting workshops for one hour a week. After all, the word we use for a person who delivers a script is an actor.

(I say acting workshops, but improv would probably be better.)

The point is that the call centre agents aren’t agents, they’re actors. And the phone is the stage for a 1950’s radio drama, and the script they use and the products they’re selling are props, and the thing they deliver is an experience.

And most of the time the experience is so shockingly bad that people don’t even wait till half time to walk out of the theatre.

P.S. I’m aware that call centre agents are treated like human robots to throw human spam at as many people as possible, and that as a result their audience hates them, and that as a result they lose their will to wake up and go to work really fast, and that as a result turnover in call centres is high, and that as a result call centres don’t invest in training.

Well, what if, as a result of having great scripts, and great coaching, customers enjoyed speaking to them, and as a result call centre agents enjoyed their work, and as a result they lasted longer than 3 weeks?

What would the business result be if customers didn’t hate the call centre agents, and if staff turnover in call centres was really low?